Money-saving Advice from a Frugal Fuckhead

I'm very stingy with money. It's been a very long time since I've started picking up pennies and change off the streets. Even in puddles, I found money. If only I had this mindset much earlier on. But, better later than never. Here are some tips from yours truly on how to save some money.

• If a hip-hop artist, celebrity, actor or all of the above who's past their prime is flaunting or promoting something, you don't need it. 
• If it's not something that relates to necessity items, you don't need it. 
• If white people can buy it casually, you don't need it. 
• If it makes you a target for robbery, you don't need it.
• If someone is telling you to live it up and enjoy the moment, do not live it up and enjoy the moment. 
• If it costs the same amount as four month's rent, turn the other way. 
• If you see it on TV, turn it off.
• If you can put it in a microwave, avoid it. It's cheaper to buy raw materials and prepare them than it is to eat out.
• On that note: Don't eat out. Meals cost $60 and up at a subpar restaurant. Plus, I got stories to tell with a brief period working with food.
• No joyrides. You can walk to your designated bar and get shitfaced instead of wasting gas money.
• Don't get shitfaced. You don't need that beer, do you? And your lady friend you desperately want to fuck doesn't need that cosmo, right? I know, this could the be night. You never know. But, she doesn't need it (or you).
• If you're going somewhere and it requires a fee for each person, turn back and leave the premises. You can find many things to do for free. Look for them. 
• Buy your stuff fresh, or in cans. It's no different. Go for vegetables in water, and canned meat in water. Oil is a messy, messy lady. With fruits, go for fruit juice. Heavy syrup is a no-no.
• Drink tap. 
• Buy a filter if you're too pussy to drink tap.
• Emulate old games instead of buying them online. Christmas never goes away when you snag an old-school JRPG from your local search engine.
• Shopping for clothes? Goodwill. Goodwill, Goodwill, Goodwill. You can find a $500 shirt for only $6. It's only as valuable as you make it.
• Shopping in general? Goodwill.
• Anything that's not food-related, Goodwill. Go on a daily basis. First come, first serve.
• Learn how to cook. You'll be saving a lot of money. A bag of rice and some seasoning can last you a week. Pay attention to the directions on the box or bag. The keyword is 'learn'.
• Shop at dollar stores. Compare prices from there to say, your local grocer. Alternate between stores.
• Grow your own food. Just a small pot will do. Learn how to do it online, there's plenty of sites to look at and it's as easy as smacking dat dislike on my videos and typing lol on a Facebook post. 

Did you get all that? Good.