Mental illness is to blame for the Vegas shooter.

I remember waking up this past Monday around five-ish and seeing the news of the Las Vegas Massacre that claimed around fifty-nine people and wounding over 300. I remember the massive headline MSN used so that we would know it was important. As if the words fifty-nine, killed and gunman weren't enough to go by.

Anyway, to the meat of this post. I read up on the entire situation from the beginning, and I could not give less of a fuck. Not that I don't care about the people dying, but rather I really just didn't care that it happened. Let's face it: people die all over the world, attacks happen commonplace. Just because America is a supposed first-world country doesn't make it exempt from actions like this. When someone goes and kills dozens of people, don't act surprised by it. Just because you live in the land of the McRib and The Big Bang Theory doesn't mean shit can't go down.

Mental health is an issue in American society, one I don't think we really try to address. I consider Dylan Roof and Mr. Paddock terrorists the same way the marathon bomber and the Florida nightclub shooter were considered terrorists. Not acknowledging that white men can be terrorists and do fucked up acts like killing a group of people is a sign of mental illness.

Not that it really matters, but Mr. Paddock was in affiliation with Islam. Yet, he's not being called a terrorist?  I reiterate: That doesn't matter, it seems. Is it the religion that's the issue or is it the person that fits the religion? Hmm.

But let's go in another direction with this. You have this American society that tries to sweep things under the rug and act surprised when a smell develops. Pay attention to what's been going on with America. There have been more outspoken voices concerning various social issues and the clashing viewpoints that followed. The mere thought of Barack Obama being in the White House made people go insane. These eight years of a black man running the country (if you can call it that) created an ideal and a lingering hatred that finally peaked with the Trayvon/Zimmerman fiasco, which is where I finally discovered what my role is in this American society when the verdict was given, but I already realized that the year before working my first job, but anyway, with Zimmerman, the Ferguson riots, the Charleston shooting and the idiocy of the confederate flag and its defenders and with this entire idiotic election and the general routine of cops killing black men at a disproportionate rate, it's come to a point where I don't care anymore, in the sense that it's just business as usual.

So nine people got killed in that church. Big deal. Yeah, they were black like me. So what? People get killed all the time outside America. Why does it take death for this society to finally do something? That alone can be its own topic. It's all the same to me. I'm numb and apathetic to all the killings. Yeah, I get angry when I see another cop gunning down another black man, but from there on, the emotions melt away. And that I feel is a mental illness when you can't even react anymore to something as sinister as that. The same with the people in that nightclub that were gunned down, and also the amount of support that came from them. It made me roll my eyes. We can't show compassion and love in times of peace, only when someone dies. And the media always covers this shit for a full week, case in point with the Vegas shooting. Another event that everyone's getting squeamish over. Another wake-up call for the supposed greatest country in the world.

We don't need stricter gun laws, we need stricter people laws. How is someone with a blatant mental illness able to buy a gun, but a well-adjusted man can't purchase one due to increased melanin in his skin? How many cops in this country are unstable and you're giving them guns and ammunition and you wonder why so many black men are dying. Moreso, people protesting at the NFL (Which I never watched a day in my life) is generating such a vitriolic response the commander in chief himself is butthurt over it and ready to make a law punishing them for following that constitution. Yet if they were raping and beating up women, no response would have been given. The rug is beyond saving and it's time to burn it. Just like some players can stand and 'respect' the flag, players are allowed to take a knee and 'disrespect' it. Meanwhile, actual veterans are being ignored while you waste time, money and energy burning jerseys.

Whoops.

And just like that, they try to sweep this matter under the rug for the next hot topic: Weinstein's scandal. There was at least four new articles on Paddock every day last week, and suddenly it's gone. No more coverage.

But, that's probably for the best. Yeah, we'll still get a piece on it from time to time, all the way up to the end of the year, no doubt. But for me, it's just another attack by the product of America's mental illness, and I say bring on the next one. If this is what it takes to get America to wise the fuck up, then so be it.

It all started with a peanut butter sandwich...

When I was a kid in school, if someone hurt your feelings or did something to you, you were expected to fight back. Admittedly, I was never one to fight back. And that regret lingers to this day. But, I'd suck it up and eventually, I took a stand. You either fight back or you don't. Your parents weren't going to get angry, and most of the time, you'd be in the clear if you were the victim.

Somewhere along 2004 or so, it seems kids in other states had this issue where if they fought their bullies, the bully would be the victim and the victim, charged with aggression. In an urban setting, this was never the case.

Lemme be more accurate - In a non-white school, this wasn't the case. Someone acting up? They're the ones in trouble. The kid who fought back? Good job. In the case of Casey Haynes, that showed me there was still some common sense in the world. But this world we live in isn't common, now is it? For every Casey, there was a John and Billy that got in trouble because they stood up for themselves and the school had a zero-tolerance policy. The zero-tolerance policy was made to detract bullies, not support them. What the hell happened?

Now we'll dive into another topic: The safe space. Where does the safe space come into play? There were another group of kids that were frail and sickly. These kids couldn't play with the other children, and their lives were overall...shitty. We made fun of those kids back in the 90's. During the turn of the century and The Worst Attack on American Soil ™, these kids got a boost in confidence thanks to their parents who couldn't deal with the fact that they were dealt a shitty hand and decided to make it bad for everyone who was born without a peanut allergy or osteoporosis.

All of the above were targeted. Metallic jungle gyms were replaced by plastic foam gyms that weren't satisfying to grab or didn't burn you on a hot day (We had contests to see who could touch the slide the longest or who was crazy enough to slide down it, something kids today will never know about), peanut butter of all things were banned because some pussified kid with a peanut allergy died for eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Know what those parents did? Told them to stay away from peanuts and all products with nuts. I had a nickel allergy and broke out in hives. The highlight of 4th grade. What did I do, tell mommy to ban everything with nickel from school? No, she changed my glasses. Simple as that.

And the one thing I was neck deep in during 2007: The banning of Santa Claus and his trademark attire and laugh. Ho ho ho! was a No no no!, along with his red suit, because red is threatening and invokes violence and to top it off, Santa was to be slimmed down, because Santa is the cause for childhood obesity.

Absurd, ain't it?

And that also brings me to my next point. The fat kids who were teased? More accurately, the fat girls who were teased and shamed for being fat, as they should? Well...

Due to the resurgence of the internet, there were many a people who could make themselves known. YouTube being a very common source, or blogsites like this one. Around the time, it seems the girls who were shamed for being fat decided to make a movement that pushed for their gross bodies to be accepted and acknowledged. One site in particular that likes to push these 'flaws' if you can call them that is Tumblr. A good site for erotic images of cartoon characters and gifs of dancing girls with or without asses. On the other hand, the latter is more appealing compared to what I posted. These girls loved to eat a little too much, and it shows. No boy in their right mind would want these types of women unless they were into that type of thing. Any guy I see with a fat woman, unless she has something to play with, regrets being with her.

At least if the butt and chest had something you could slap or grab. None of the images above show that.

And anyone with a brain knows that Barbie isn't a realistic body-type. Anytime you see a barbie-type, she's told to eat something. There's a difference. And the real-life barbie-dolls are freaks of nature.

Then again...

 But my point stands - most men aren't picky about their women. We don't want barbie-types, but we don't want fat slobs with triple-layered rolls of fat on their waists, either. And the worst part is, that's my only chance to get with a woman. She's gotta be fat, passing herself off as 'thick' or some type of misshapen goblin with low standards. And that sadly accounts for around...90% of all black women.

No company is better than bad company.

Now, to conclude this piece for you, and send off July with something informative, I'm going to tell you where this all comes into place: The kids who had the peanut allergies and hurt feelings are now the adults who push for safe spaces for grade schools and colleges. They somehow got into power and ruined everything. They are also the ones pushing for inclusiveness in every form of media, video games included. They have teamed up with the fat girls to make every character an ugly, blotchy mess with more layers than an ogre and onion. They have come into hobbies they never cared about to dictate to others what it should be about. They have succeeded in making everything about them and flaunting the fact that they're fat, ugly or gay/lesbian/trans/queer/dragon/fairykin/etc.

And I don't have to say, "I don't have a problem with gays, but..." I'm just gonna say it: No one cares. In the sense that you can do what you wanna do. It's flaunting that you're whatever you are that's the issue. I'm black. You can see that clear as day. I don't have to flaunt it. You're so starved for attention that you demand it from everyone and when you don't get your way, you scream prejudice and hate and you go into your safe space or internet hugbox to garner support. I really hate how these people infiltrated a hobby I've grown up with for twenty plus years. So you suck dick. So you eat pussy. So what? Want a medal?

But let's go back to the peanut allergy-inflicted pussies that sport their hipster glasses and full beards. These guys are the ones who failed to realize the reason why those other boys bullied girls was because they liked them. They also are confused as to why said girl is now with that guy while he has no girlfriend at all. So what does he do to fix his flaws or work on what he didn't have to sweep that girl off her feet?

Become a feminist and yes-man for all women. That'll get him laid!

"Women aren't represented enough in the workforce! Get them in those positions even if they don't qualify for the position!"

"That poster of Pamela Anderson you have objectifies women! Take it down!"

"You're a man! You are already the enemy by default!"

Suddenly, there's an insurgence of women in the workforce and a deficit of men. Now, these women will want a nice job with high pay, but men still have to do the manual labor. Evolution and biology giving women and weak men a slap in the face. I was the one guy that had to lift everything. But I can safely say that I wasn't around that environment mentioned above, so it was a matter of one man to six women. That still says a lot, mind you. The push for women in the workforce is still alarming to say the least. Even one of my female co-workers admitted we needed another guy when I wasn't around.

But these frail men may get lucky somewhere, somehow and end up with offspring who are doomed to their genes or way of thinking, and the cycle will continue onward. On the other hand, their 'girlfriend' may choose an open relationship, which translates to "I'm fucking that guy that bullied you in high school, but please keep giving me money and gifts! Maybe I'll give you a piece when my value goes down!". Now that's pathetic. This is the state of the first world. Non-issues are national epidemics, and to think that it all started with a peanut butter sandwich...

Money-saving Advice from a Frugal Fuckhead

I'm very stingy with money. It's been a very long time since I've started picking up pennies and change off the streets. Even in puddles, I found money. If only I had this mindset much earlier on. But, better later than never. Here are some tips from yours truly on how to save some money.

• If a hip-hop artist, celebrity, actor or all of the above who's past their prime is flaunting or promoting something, you don't need it. 
• If it's not something that relates to necessity items, you don't need it. 
• If white people can buy it casually, you don't need it. 
• If it makes you a target for robbery, you don't need it.
• If someone is telling you to live it up and enjoy the moment, do not live it up and enjoy the moment. 
• If it costs the same amount as four month's rent, turn the other way. 
• If you see it on TV, turn it off.
• If you can put it in a microwave, avoid it. It's cheaper to buy raw materials and prepare them than it is to eat out.
• On that note: Don't eat out. Meals cost $60 and up at a subpar restaurant. Plus, I got stories to tell with a brief period working with food.
• No joyrides. You can walk to your designated bar and get shitfaced instead of wasting gas money.
• Don't get shitfaced. You don't need that beer, do you? And your lady friend you desperately want to fuck doesn't need that cosmo, right? I know, this could the be night. You never know. But, she doesn't need it (or you).
• If you're going somewhere and it requires a fee for each person, turn back and leave the premises. You can find many things to do for free. Look for them. 
• Buy your stuff fresh, or in cans. It's no different. Go for vegetables in water, and canned meat in water. Oil is a messy, messy lady. With fruits, go for fruit juice. Heavy syrup is a no-no.
• Drink tap. 
• Buy a filter if you're too pussy to drink tap.
• Emulate old games instead of buying them online. Christmas never goes away when you snag an old-school JRPG from your local search engine.
• Shopping for clothes? Goodwill. Goodwill, Goodwill, Goodwill. You can find a $500 shirt for only $6. It's only as valuable as you make it.
• Shopping in general? Goodwill.
• Anything that's not food-related, Goodwill. Go on a daily basis. First come, first serve.
• Learn how to cook. You'll be saving a lot of money. A bag of rice and some seasoning can last you a week. Pay attention to the directions on the box or bag. The keyword is 'learn'.
• Shop at dollar stores. Compare prices from there to say, your local grocer. Alternate between stores.
• Grow your own food. Just a small pot will do. Learn how to do it online, there's plenty of sites to look at and it's as easy as smacking dat dislike on my videos and typing lol on a Facebook post. 

Did you get all that? Good.

I wrote a book.

No, really. I wrote a book.

What is Mission about? Well, as the cover says, it is a series where adventures, dreams and journeys await. Four kids travel around, and find an interesting sight in a large sea. From there on, the adventures, dreams and journeys come to pass. One of the main recurring themes of Mission is friendship. Making friends comes easy with our cast, and said relationships excel to other ventures and opportunities. The general idea came to me around 2012, but the name goes as far back as 1999, when I was seven and played with my friends in the park. One made up a game called Mission and we would make up worlds and scenes all around our jungle gym. It was a simple game made by kids that made me want to write about a group of kids going around the world and seeing various places like the ones we thought up.

On the note of the cast, there isn't a sole main character, but a cast of main characters. Currently ten in the first volume. I felt this was a better way to structure the story. One of the inspirations I took from was One Piece, not in the setting, but how it treats its characters. A character can show up much later after they're introduced and play a major part in the story. I think that a book can flourish when you focus on the characters and develop them. This is why I don't do a main character, though if I had to pick a character to lead the cast, it'd have to be Lee, the oldest of the four kids. He is prominent through the general draft/plans I have with the series, but I make sure to give the other characters more exposure. Juggling characters can keep things from getting stale, but mixing up too many characters can stifle creativity as well.

On that note, let's talk the characters. We have Lee, the main kid coming of age. Then you have Red, a plucky kid with a goofy smile. Next is Tara, a young girl that gives her support to her friends and last but not least, we have Ingred, whose actual name is Red, but to avoid confusion with the other Red, was nicknamed Ingred. It's around when the moment when they find out more about him and what he can do is where the general story picks up. So, he's more or less the source of everyone's eventual status and discovers.

Another element that can build a strong story is the world your characters live in. The setting, basically. Building your world can draw in readers, moreso if you develop the world with great detail and a format that almost makes it seem like the world could exist somewhere in real life. One Piece again has a very interesting world, one with a lot of undertones and layers and we don't even know about it in its entirely. Twenty years and Eiichiro Oda has still kept people interested. I've been invested in One Piece a decade this year, and the payoff has been superb. And on that note, it's only been ten months, but Hunter x Hunter has stayed fresh in my mind, as much as One Piece with how well-written and developed the story, world and characters are. A shame Yoshihiro Togashi's health problems and family (His wife is the author of Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon, another series I took some pages from with two of the main characters featured) keep the manga from frequent updates, but what is there to read is fantastic.

I admit I try to keep it simple, but a bit of complexity can go a long way. However, too much complexity can stall a story and harm it, and too many unresolved plotlines makes things messy. As it stands, Mission will have continuity, and keep things simple enough to keep things fresh in the reader's mind. On that note, continuity is key, too. One thing that I like is seeing previous elements return, especially if they drive the story. Characters growing, aging and developing makes you invested in them and it almost feels like you grew up alongside them, if not vice versa. I understand that format may not work with all works, and there is a plus with keeping a character the same for worldwide appeal (Mario, Mickey Mouse, etc). but it does work when handled correctly.

This is my first self-published book, and it does show. It's not perfect, that I know. It's not the greatest story, that I also know. And of course it's not going to be everyone's cup of tea. That is certain. But, I know this much: It's gotta be better than Twilight (Whoops) and various other amounts of cringeworthy erotica (Not that Mission is intended to be an erotica series, period).

So, with that said, why not give Mission a read? If you like it, great. If not, that's fine as well. This is my first book, so I'll have to learn somehow. I think you'll like it if you're into adventure, fiction and fantasy.

Click here to buy the book.

The Video Game Awards: Absolute cancer.

...whoops.

If anyone is in tune with gaming today, you should know what the Video Game Awards are: An event in which the hottest games are given awards for everything but what really matters: Being a video game. You also get world premieres which are glorified movie trailers, and ten times out of ten, they're just that: movies.  Basically, it's a massive circlejerk of western games and publishers, with that ONE nod to the eastern side of things, usually Nintendo or someone else. In this case:

And rightfully so. Kojima is a good man and a good creator in general.

However, for the rest of the show, we were treated to a slew of world premieres showing no gameplay, a performance by Killer Mike which served for a product placement for Gears of War 4, an award was presented to an e-celeb because he literally couldn't make his way to the stage, actual celebrity cameos, an award for the best visual style (no surprise there), an award for best voice actor, an award for best e-sports athlete(see the very last image in this post), and the one that took the cake, an award presented to a man who made a game in honor of his dying son, and went on to donate the proceeds of the Ouya version to charity. Now that's disrespectful and in poor taste. As far as I'm concerned, he may as well have been texting while putting on an act. Oh, and there was another performance of some men shouting and the lead singer on a guitar, or something.

The only reason I even tuned in to the show was for one title:

Still waiting.

We got a teaser trailer before the show, which looked nice and a hands-on look again around eighty minutes into the show, which looked not-so-nice. The framerate was bad, and as quickly as I got excited, they ended it. With that, I tabbed out and went and did something else.

All these awards shows are as I stated before is just a circlejerk of western developers, product placements (Don't get me started on that razor blade advert made for US GAMERS HURK), echo chambers for social issues and everything else your casual gamer (If you can even call them that) eats up. And isn't it ironic that the one company that showed some actual gameplay is the one reason I keep coming along for this dreadful ride? I was excited for 2014's show just for that exhibition with Zelda U, or in this case, Breath of the Wild. I was hoping for 2015 to give us some more footage, but nope, I sat through another bad show with all the problems stated above. I'll give credit to Geoff Keighley for actually having some integrity within this industry and basically being the driving force behind this presentation. He wanted to acknowledge some fan games as well, mainly the Metroid 2 remake and Pokemon Uranium. However, Nintendo bitched about it and they remained unmentioned. But hey, at least we saw more of Zelda, right?

Right?

...right.

If you really want to pull in some more viewers, or at least make the show worth watching, show some damn games. What about Sonic Mania? I'm sure SEGA would love the press and exposure. Moreso since gamers today love retro games and pixelated paradises (Well, not everyone). When I think of video games, the last thing that comes to mind is That Dragon, Cancer. For a show about video games, you sure don't show a lot of them.


Just sayin'.

The Mascot Dilemma

Remember all of those mascot characters? Y’know, the ones with the colors and cartoony designs? Yeah, those. Remember how you would see them in just about every game back in 80’s and 90’s? Where did they go and what happened to them? It seems that the only mascots that are around are Mario, Donkey Kong and Sonic. In the sense of general appearances. You can put Pikachu in that category, too. I’d even say Pika is higher up on the ladder.

Well, I have a bit of the theory on what happened to these mascots. Now, keep in mind that some of the stuff I’m about to say while being a theory, is well-documented.

Meet today's iconic video game protagonists: Niko Bellic, Solid Snake and

eighteen other guys that are indistinguishable. Image by Hubpages.

The gradual disappearance of mascot characters is in collaboration with the increasingly large amount of everymen. What are everymen? They’re your go-to every day white dude with a scraggly beard, five-o’ clock shadow and brown hair. Now, Mario is this, but with a mustache. But he’s a mascot, and cartoony. Someone like Nathan Drake isn’t.  Now, when did we see this? Around the seventh generation of consoles, the PS3, Xbox 360 and Wii. But we need to go a little further back. Back in 1995, the SNES and SEGA Mega Drive were the top consoles, but there were new consoles coming 

 along, ones that stressed their utilization of…

GROUND BREAKING 3-D

The 3DO, Atari Jaguar, just to name a few. And then you had the SEGA Saturn and Playstation. Back then, 3D was a big deal. It was a notable jump from your usual 2D games. Me, I wasn’t really wowed by it. I just wanted to play games. However, this was where a lot of people came in to gaming, being impressed by those low-polygon models. These people ranged from people who knew nothing on video games and people who didn’t like video games. The latter? These people teased and bullied those who liked video games. Games like Mario and Sonic were ‘gay’ and ‘lame’, and games with blood and gore or some scraggly white dude (Yes, they existed then) are ‘cool’. But they wouldn’t know since they really don’t play them as often or frequent. Now, with the inclusion of 3D graphics, games were seen as cool and everyone was getting into it. 

But anyone that knows video games knows this much: Graphics do not make the game. This was a problem with some games on the Genesis and SNES: They looked good, but the gameplay and controls were poor. The jump to 3D only magnified which games were bad, and the bad ones were BAD. A dear friend of mine, practically a brother brought a game called Killing Zone. It was a 3D fighter, an early one for the PS1. He brought it and dropped it that night. It was bad, clunky and downright unenjoyable. The music stuck out to me and the skeleton character that turned into a giant skull when it jumped. That’s it. And never mind the 3DO and Jaguar. Those were even less powerful, and had less 3D capabilities than the Saturn.

But in spite of the growing pains, 3D gaming slowly became refined and playable. But back to the topic at hand, 3D wasn’t just the new best thing, cinematic FMV’s were also pushed. Most of the disc space used were for the FMV’s. Instead of pushing for games with great content and lasting appeal, they used that space for fifteen second clips. Final Fantasy VII is guilty of this. For the most part, games that tried to be games were still plentiful. You had mascots running around, the good, the bad and the odd.

But, around the turn of the generation, with the PS2, the Xbox and the Gamecube, these mascots started to thin out. Some were still around, but the notable ones were in decline, or tried to jump and fell to their deaths. At this point, graphics were getting more and more detailed and certain franchises popped up or broke out into popularity. You know the ones. Halo and Call of Duty were to the FPS genre what Sonic was to video games: When they got popular, everyone wanted a CoD and a Halo. Everyone was pushing for a mascot. The bad ones were bad and the ones in the middle needed more. But I’ll take ten colorful mascots over ten brown and bloom war simulators. 

I saw this as early as ’07. First person shooters were played by people who weren’t really into video games. The dudebro audience. Companies were pushing out FPS’es in droves, wanting to be CoD or have the next CoD and so-called professional reviewers were handing out 9/10 Game of the Year accolades left and right. Now, these companies were trying to push FPS’es as the main go-to genre and while some of them were unique and even tried to have something that stood out from the rest, there was an oversaturation of war sims and every other game was now in the first person perspective. Why?

Because the target audience for these games are people who didn’t like the cute, colorful mascots that were seen as childish. This is also where games were trying to be pushed as an artform. The rise of graphics and cinematics made for a wider appeal throughout. Tactics that were common in Hollywood are now being inserted into video games. Marketing is also a major factor in movies being promoted. Games like Call of Duty are heavily marketed, with promotional deals and the like, The Halo 4 tie in with Doritos and Mountain Dew being a notable example of how large video game marketing became.

So, you have marketing, Hollywood-esque elements and cinematics. But what does this have to do with mascot characters? Mascot characters like Mega Man, Bomberman, Pac-Man, Mario, Donkey Kong, Sonic, Spyro and Crash are to video games now what characters like Shrek, Spongebob and Bugs Bunny are to cartoons and film: Childish. If you have a cute character that appeals to children, or gives that impression, it’ll be seen as such. The games where you’re a faceless person moving about in the first person perspective are seen as adult and mature, and it isn’t coincidental that they’re rated M for mature.

And since we’re diving into the whole push for video games being like movies, this is another factor in the latter format: The faceless guy is usually a scraggly white guy. Someone that said target audience can ‘relate’ to. I have a problem with this. Not because they’re scraggly white guys, but because this is all they are. You can do your FPS perspectives with any character. Hell, Banjo-Tooie had an FPS mode. Make some FPS’es with mascot characters, it’s been done. There’s an FPS with schoolgirls and tentacle monsters. I'll play that before Generic War Simulator 14.

But I don’t care about being represented in video games. It’s been done before and moreso before feminists made it an issue. Killer Instinct? Shadow Man? The Combatribes? Street Fighter? Mortal Kombat? Just to name a few. Shadow Man’s protagonist was a black man. All the games mentioned have blacks as playables. While they’re not mascots or cartoony, they’re there. I have the choice to use them. I don’t need someone to look like me to relate to them. The ‘relatable’ excuse is just that – an excuse. You can’t play video games unless you have some generic white guy you can put yourself in? I have to do that every day when I boot up a game. I have to see what my character’s objectives are and go for them. I have to put myself in his shoes and go through his struggle. 

This is why I prefer mascot characters. I don’t have to deal with the bullshit above. I can just play their game. Save X from Y, or stop X from destroying Y. Simple shit. Going back to the feminists, we’ve had female characters in games. This also isn’t anything new. We’ve had them for the longest. You just don’t want to take the time to find these females in gaming. Just because the majority of gamers are men, doesn’t mean the industry is sexist. Just because said females are beautiful doesn’t mean they’re objectifying or offensive. This goes back into self-insertion: If you have to have a white guy in your games to enjoy them, you’re part of the problem. If you have to have an ugly woman in your video games to enjoy them, you’re part of the problem. Stop trying to make video games like real life: I want to escape the real world when I play video games.

Bring back my mascots!

Well, as I said before this was just a theory on why I feel mascots have more or less died off. The companies who owned them dying didn’t have anything to do with the FPS genre’s rise, granted. And we do have a few mascot-esque characters still popping up from time to time. I hope we get more mascot-like games in the future.

VIDEO AT LAST:

My Picks for Gen II: The few, the underdogs and the failures

Welcome back. We return to the list of Pokémon that stand out to me, this time from Gen II!

Typhlosion

I don’t like Typlohsion. I’m only mentioning it because it’s just Charizard, stat-to-stat. That’s it. A pure Fire-type Charizard. I thought its fire mane was pretty cool, and I picked one in Gold. But that was it. The only reason I’m mentioning it is because while Typhlosion can be Charizard without wings, Infernape and Emboar get shit on for being Fire/Fighting-types despite have different stats and methods of usage. I hate nostalgiafags.

Feraligatr

The only starter that’s worth a squirt of piss in Gen II. The one I got in SoulSilver was a female, and adamant at that. Now either I lucked out, or that was the game’s way of rewarding me with picking it. She was a leading force in my team, and I like the thought of having a very large starter. Feraligatr stands at 7’07, and that’s just awesome. Plus, I love reptiles.

Noctowl

As far as regional birds go, Noctowl is unique. It utilizes Confusion and other Psychic moves and such and it has a nice special defense stat to fall back on. It helps that it looks like an actual owl compared to its pre-evo.

Ledian

And here, Gen II’s problems begin. Well, Furret did that already, but Ledian is in a state of turmoil. First, it has a good design. Second, it has access to punching moves. Third, it can utilize them better than Hitmonchan could prior to Gen IV. So, what’s the problem? Well, its special attack is trash, its attack is even worse, and it only has a high special defense stat to fall back on. And even then, its HP is very low. And even its speed won’t make a difference. Nothing should fall to a Ledian. NOTHING. I wanted to like Ledian, but it’s the poster boy for bad Pokémon, and moreso one of the many blunders Gen II has. Furret is bad, but Ledian’s potential is so wasted Furret doesn’t even exist. If you picked Silver, I’m so sorry for you.

Ariados

And if you picked Gold, you had this instead.  Not that Ariados is any better, but it actually is better compared to Ledian. But that still isn’t saying much. It’s slower, and a Poison-type to boot. Psychics can floor it with no problem. But with Gen IV, it got some viability, but it’s still underwhelming. Underwhelming, but better than Ledian.

Crobat

Crobat is fucking awesome. Great design, great movepool, fantastic speed and the very first cross evolution in the National Dex line. And what a fantastic addition to an old line. The design is definitely a vast change from Golbat, and this is the only time where I can say that Crobat doesn’t resemble its previous forms. Even the Gen IV evos, which people complain about look like their past forms.

The Babies

I’m dedicating this whole section to the baby Pokémon. They were added for egg moves, moves their older counterparts can’t learn, and mainly to make a connection to adult Pokémon. You had Pichu, Igglybuff, Cleffa, Togepi, Tyrogue, Smoochum, Elekid and Magby. The first was an attempt to cash in on Pikachu’s success and instead of giving Raichu an evo, it started the trend of making a cute Electric-type rodent with each gen. Marill was doing it right. That Firepika was also doing it right. Making a whole circle of rodents with each type would be great, but for whatever reason, GameFreak wants to keep copying Pikachu’s success. Babies aren’t worth using in battle, just slap an EXP Share on one, and look for the moves you want and evolve it when you’re ready.

Ampharos

When I first saw it in that magazine, I thought it wasn’t related to Flaaffy and Mareep. It’s a really cool Pokémon, and its Japanese name is a pun on electricity and dragon, Denryu. Much later on in Gen VI, it would get a mega that made that pun a reality.

Azumarill

I love Azumarill. Its Huge Power ability makes it a great Pokémon to have early on, and even better since it evolves pretty early. It gives you a reason to have that cute Marill and see it become a force to be reckoned with, unlike that awful addition Pichu.

Sudowoodo

I also remember Sudowoodo in the magazine, and mentioning it wasn’t a Grass-type. And thanks to the anime, as mentioned in part 1, I thought it was immune to Electric attacks. It’s fairly slow, and it can’t take hits, but it can do some decent damage. And its name is pretty cool.

Politoed

I thought this one was a Grass-type when I first saw it. It’s also the first Pokémon I forgot existed. I had a Poliwhirl ready to evolve with the right nature, but I released it. Honestly, Politoed is okay, and I see the resemblance from it to its previous forms but Poliwrath has more to it, design-wise. Even as a frog, it doesn’t really appeal to me.

The Hoppip line

I like this whole line. It’s great if you picked Cyndaquil or Totodile. Chikorita has no reason to be picked when you consider Johto’s distribution of Pokémon. You have Oddish, Bellsprout and Hoppip, all who can be obtained early on. Hoppip adds something new at the time and can mix things up a bit. Synthesis can benefit it due to being weaker than most of your team more than likely.

Quagsire

The first time a Water-type was anything but, and ultimately proved that Rock-types weren’t immune to Electric-types. Unfortunately, it isn’t a spectacular Pokémon, and Gen II seems to have a lot of Pokémon in the middle area and even more in the lower/bottom area with literally a handful at the top.

Umbreon

Ah, the Dark counterpart to Espeon. No disrespect to Espeon, but Umbreon appeals to me more. I like its heavy defenses and its overall set up of moves and strategies. Granted, it’s not as good as it used to be, but Blacky still has a place in my heart.

Slowking

As I mentioned before, Slowking was a strange Pokémon to me. It was Slowpoke, but smarter. And to Slowbro’s defensive capabilities, Slowking is a showcase of Sp. Def. The two are interchangeable and there’s really no definitive choice to pick between them. One could say Slowbro gets the edge with its mega evolution, and some may just want to use Slowking for the sake of using it. It’s all up to you.

Wobbuffet

I didn’t know what to think of this one. I saw it in the anime and it only used Counter and seldom Mirror Coat.  When I finally fought one, I saw what purpose it served: An all-or-nothing Pokémon. You had to take it out in one hit, or risk getting KO’ed if it used the proper attack.  And even then, Destiny Bond could seal your fate. In Gen III, it got Shadow Tag. You REALLY had to take it out in one hit and hope you got lucky otherwise. On another note, its pre-evo, Wynaut was shown near the end of Gen II’s run. Wynaut add it and Azurill in Gen II? Too many babies? Or did they want to keep it an even number of Pokémon added? Who knows.

Girafarig

A Giraffe is a badass standing almost twenty feet in the air, with a large neck capable of killing a human in one swing. Girafarig is an oddball standing less than five feet and is overall unremarkable. Its design is its only strong point, and don’t get me started on its earlier concept. I want a real giraffe, not some caricature. Same with Donphan, but we’ll get to that later.

Forretress

I like Forretress. One of the new Steel-types at the time, and a Bug-type to boot, it lacks speed, but it has great defense. Though it can be taken out by most Fire-types, unless you have a Fire-type, you’ll have a hard time taking one out, and Sturdy gave it an edge just in case.

Steelix

Steelix has the same problem Onix has: It’s great with defense, but it lacks real oomph with its offensive stats. Steelix at least has more defensive pros, but it’s still the same as Onix, and when you see what it can’t take, it becomes a pushover. However, with its mega evo, it finally gets something to fall back on. I say  that Gen II’s Pokémon need evos, but overall, some of them need a boost, and for the ones who aren’t exactly in need of evos, Megas fit that bill. This is what Megas should be used for.

Granbull

It’s a big softie and it’s powerful. It’s also slow. But I like it. I always get a male in spite of its gender ratio. With Gen VI, it finally becomes a Fairy-type, referencing its species name and more than likely actual fae origins. They weren’t cutesy eight-inch women, and they weren’t pure of heart. I’d love to see some more Fairy-types that aren’t pink and cuddly.

Scizor

The poster bug for Gen II, it’s the evolved form of Scyther. I didn’t see the relation to Scyther but I liked it. I didn’t know if it was a crab or an insect. What I did know was its trading card at the time had a black border around it. At the time, I didn’t know that was the Steel-type until I saw it in the anime. It’s a beast and still holds up today.

Shuckle

Another oddball. Was it a turtle or what? I liked its mechanic with making a berry into juice and then rare candy and I’m wondering why said mechanic was never reintroduced in SoulSilver. They went out the way to add those redundant apricorns, too. Its gimmick is tricky to pull off, but when it works, it works!

Heracross

My top favorite Pokémon from Gen II after Smoochum, it has amazing attack and a great typing. Every opportunity I get to have one on my team, I take it. I struggled to get one in Pearl and it stood on my team almost always. Its mega form isn’t too bad either, another example of doing the concept right: Help a great but flawed Pokémon get an upper hand.

Ursaring

If you didn’t have Snubbull, or Gold you could grab Teddiursa. It’s the bulky Normal-type, slow but powerful. One thing I noticed is in the anime it’s a really aggressive and angry Pokémon but in the games it’s more gluttonous and lazy. It has the power on it, though so I guess you still wouldn’t want to fuck with one.

Magcargo

Oh, my word. If Gen II had a master of disaster, it would be Magcargo. At least Ledian is expected to be underwhelming, Magcargo has too much going wrong with it to even be considered a useful Pokémon. Slow speed, a typing that’s not only doubly weak to Water, but Ground as well and a cool design. It was bad then and it’s bad now. Not even an evo or a mega could salvage it. Some people thought Magcargo was a Gen III Pokémon.

Octillery

Amazing. The concept alone sells itself and I was dumbfounded when I found out why a remora turns into an octopus. It can use Flamethrower, Ice Beam and Signal Beam, covering a lot of ground. If its special movepool isn’t enough, it can get physical and do a lot more damage.

Skarmory

 Its cry makes it seem robotic. It’s an amazing Pokémon, and one of Gen II’s top picks. While it doesn’t have anything to talk of physically, it’s one of best defensive walls you can use, after Blissey(Well, not physically anyway). Skarmory is perfect as is, and I think even GameFreak knows it. Some things never change. It took a bit of a blow in Gen VI, but it still fits the bill.

Houndoom

If you need a Fire-type, this is the go-to Pokémon if you didn’t pick Cyndaquil or if you were hoping for something good from Magcargo. Why do you have to wait so long to get a Fire-type in Gen II? Gen IV ended up with this problem until Platinum. Anyway, it’s pretty good in both attack stats and very good speed. Speedy enough not to get floored by Slowbro of all Pokémon(What the fuck were they thinking with Magcargo???).

Kingdra

I knew this was Seadra’s evolution. It’s the prime definition of a defensive Pokémon, and still is: Water/Dragon means you need a Dragon-type Pokémon and you need a STAB to really get some damage in. Unfortunately this is the only Dragon-type introduced in Gen II, and this was a kid that didn’t have anyone to trade with. A force to be reckoned with.

Donphan

Ah, Donphan. The anime makes it faster than it is. Now it’s got power and defense at least. But that speed keeps it down. Then again, at least it’s not Golem or Magcargo. But, my main problem is not only is it fairly slow, but as an elephant, and the only Pokémon based on one currently, it’s an embarrassment. I get it’s a tire and a wheel more than an elephant, but still. If we can have multiple butterflies/moths and two of the same mythical creature (Baku), we can surely have another elephant and giraffe? Same with a Kangaroo.

Porygon2

I like its concept, and I just now realized what it is at the time of writing this: Porygon was early 3D, Porygon2 is early Dreamcast/6^th generation graphics. Even in the 3D games, 2 was smoothed out nicely. It has its own gimmicks and tricks to use, so it’s not really a straightforward Pokémon to use in my opinion.

Hitmontop

I didn’t know what the hell this was. When I found out it was a member of the Tyrouge line, it confused me a little. It’s a little bit of everything (Hitmonlee, Hitmonchan and its own elements), same with Tyrogue. It’s a good Pokémon, with some nice defenses and attack. It’s an alternate take on Hitmonlee, and at worst a rehash of it.

Miltank

The casual filter of Gen II, it’s a female-only Pokémon, so your predominately male Pokémon had a problem with Attract. It’s fairly fast, so you get floored by its STAB moves. And if that wasn’t enough, you had to endure with Rollout’s gradual power. So, what do you do? Female Machop can negate that problem and possibly win the match right there and then. Female Geodude can get rid of that strategy, along with resisting Normal-type moves. You need a little more to do with this one unlike Onix, but it’s not hard to do.

Blissey

Some of the evolutions were obvious when you see them, this being one of them. It has the highest HP stat of all Pokémon, and the highest special defense of all Normal-types. And even with its horribly low defense, all of that HP balances it out. In Pearl, it was a force to be reckoned with, and it has access to a nice pool of moves and its family’s signature move, Softboiled. It got knocked down a peg with Eviolite in Gen V(And a lot of other final forms at that). But it still has an edge. Seismic Toss is not a joke with Blissey.

Tyranitar

Last but not least, we have our pseudo-legendary: Tyranitar. It boasts stats on par with legendaries alongside Dragonite and it takes a long time to evolve from a Larvitar.  Sand Stream gives it an edge, and even in Gen II it had a lot to be worried about. Now, it’s easy to take one out with some strategizing, but it can still deal some damage. Its Pokedex entries even dictate how fearful and tyrannical it is.

And, we are at the finish line. I didn’t mention the cat trio due to none of them really appealing to me, and the legendaries, I really don’t use. I do like the connection with Lugia and the bird trio, and of course Ho-oh being the first hint of Gen II coming soon. Celebi is pretty cute as well, but I don’t really use legendaries.